Tag Archives: joke

FWD: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

> Why did the chicken cross the road?
>>
>> BARACK OBAMA:The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
>> CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
>>
>> JOHN MC CAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
>> recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all 
>> the
>> chickens on the other side of the road.
>>
>> HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that 
>> little
>> chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely 
>> qualified
>> to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this 
>> country
>> gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.  But then, this really
>> isn’t about me…….
>>
>> DR. PHIL:The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize
>> that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road
>> before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. 
>> What
>> we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not 
>> taking
>> on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.
>>
>> OPRAH:Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, 
>> which is
>> why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the 
>> chicken
>> learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m
>> going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
>> road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>>
>> GEORGE W. BUSH:We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the 
>> road. We
>> just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or 
>> not. The
>> chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground 
>> here.
>>
>> COLIN POWELL:Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
>> satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…
>>
>> ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:We have reason to believe there is a 
>> chicken, but
>> we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the
>> road.
>>
>> JOHN KERRY:Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I 
>> am now
>> against it!  It was wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
>> chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against 
>> it.
>>
>> NANCY GRACE:That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You 
>> can
>> see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>>
>> PAT BUCHANAN:To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>>
>> MARTHA STEWART:No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
>> going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs
>> when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
>> insider information.
>>
>> DR SEUSS:Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
>> Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been
>> told.
>>
>> ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die in the rain. Alone.
>>
>> JERRY FALWELL:Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the
>> plain truth? ‘That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my 
>> friends,
>> that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay
>> too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
>> that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless 
>> phrases like
>> ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. 
>> It’s as
>> plain and as simple as that.
>>
>> GRANDPA:In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
>> Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good 
>> enough.
>>
>> BARBARA WALTERS:Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
>> listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
>> story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
>> accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
>>
>> ARISTOTLE:It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>>
>> JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
>> together, in peace.
>>
>> BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only 
>> cross
>> roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
>> your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken.
>> This newplatform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C%
>> ………reboot.
>>
>> ALBERT EINSTEIN:Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the 
>> road
>> move beneath the chicken?
>>
>> BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your
>> definition of chicken?
>>
>> AL GORE:I invented the chicken!
>>
>> COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?
>>
>> DICK CHENEY:Where’s my gun?
>>
>> AL SHARPTON:Why are all the chickens white? We need some black 
>> chickens.
>>
>>
>>
>> I still think the best one is:  To show the opossum it could be done!
>

 

 

 


Nathan D George
www.math.berkeley.edu/~natedawg

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS (Joke)

 

 

eyes

 

warning

 

 

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments  for you that will make your lives  better.’

The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’
And the  Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

‘Can you give us an  example?’

‘Thou shall not kill.’
‘Not kill? We’re not  interested.’

So  He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’
The  Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
‘Honor thy Father and  Mother.’

‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re  not interested.’
Then  He went to the Mexicans and said,
‘I have  Commandments.’
The  Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not  steal.’

‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then  He went to the French and said,

‘I have Commandments.’

The  French too wanted an example and the Lord said,
‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’

‘Not commit adultery? We’re not  interested.’
Finally,  He went to the Jews and said,

‘I have  Commandments.’

‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are  they?’

‘They’re free.’

‘We’ll take 10.’